Virya- Energy, Strength and Courage
“Genuine yoga exposes the insubstantiality and emptiness of our self-image, which allows us to see the insubstantiality and emptiness of everything. Eventually, remarkable courage, commitment and compassion arise from yoga practice, and, through those, a wonderful insight and joy.” Michael Stone- The Inner Tradition of Yoga
Developing courage is a result of the practice, not a prerequisite to practicing- though, I have to constantly remind myself of this. Facing fears seems to be just part of the process in Asana and Meditation. In meditation, if we sit with ourselves long enough, anger rises. Things we didn’t even realize we were angry about begin to surface. Anger is just a reactive emotion to the underlying emotion of fear. In Asana practice fear might be mindfulness in disguise (think Chakrasana – thank you Catherine) or it comes in the guise of frustration when we can’t bind Marichyasana d (fear that we can’t complete the series).
I have practiced many types of yoga (hatha, vinyasa, kundalini, even ashtanga) for many years, but never gone to Mysore practice (this is like a dirty little confession). For me, fear has always circulated around Mysore practice. Fear of the unknown… Am I going to feel bad if I show up late? Will I miss the opening invocation? Can I even remember the opening invocation? Will I even remember any of the primary series? The answers: yes/no (I’m not late, because practice begins anytime before 8, but I still feel a little bad letting cold air in the studio) yes (I missed it), no (I kind of remember because I try to practice it everyday, but I can’t remember a karaoke song if the lyrics are on the screen in front of me), no (I would like to blame it on my mantra to “still the mind” that I end up in such a deep state of concentration on the present moment that I can’t remember where to go next, but again, I can’t remember words to a song if they are on the screen in front of me). But does it matter, no… just practice. Showing up matters, getting into the bind, is not the thing of substance. Remembering where I am in the series and what comes next, may come eventually, but I have the compassionate and loving Johnny Haag to assist with a smile or the gorgeous Catherine Such I can peek at and she’ll give me a hint as to my next move.
Dropping the guise, so to speak, letting go of any attachments to how long I’ve been practicing, to designation as teacher or student, emptying myself – ego and attachment- the fear resides. I truly do feel courage, commitment and compassion from my experience today. I am so glad I faced my fears of Mysore; I feel courageous, I feel excited to return on Wednesday with commitment to remembering more, and compassion for my great big ego who was so scared to enter this beautiful space, with these beautiful people. I could have really missed out on the Joy of it all.
